Wednesday, January 2, 2008

2007 Darwin Awards are final

I've got to say that each year, this stuff is pathetic.... it's all about folks who come from "the shallow end of the gene pool". The tally of the 2007 Darwin Awards is out, and my personal favorites are:
  • (28 July 2007, Czech Republic) A pack of thieves attempted to steal scrap metal from an abandoned factory in Kladno. Unfortunately for them, they selected the steel girders that supported the factory roof. When the roof supports were dismantled, the roof fell, fatally crushing two thieves and injuring three others.
My other favorite (a vintage one, from a few years ago):
  • (3 February 1990, Washington) The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree appeared to be the robber's first, due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
    1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms. A gun shop.
    2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
    3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.
    4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work.
    Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup, and fired a few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, covered by several customers who also drew their guns, thereby removing the confused criminal from the gene pool. No one else was hurt. (BTW, this true story fits perfectly with one of the Darwin Awards Mottos: "Never bring a knife to a gunfight")

As you would expect, there are formal rules for nominations to the competition, the summary of which are:
- Reproduction - Out of the gene pool: dead or sterile.

- Excellence - Astounding misapplication of judgment.
- Self-Selection - Cause one's own demise.
- Maturity - Capable of sound judgment.
- Veracity - The event must be true.

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